Services or 'schools' that teach men the art of picking up women are springing up like mushrooms after a hard, Spring rain!

Training is offered through ebooks, videos and personalized coaching by 'gurus'. It's not cheap - a weekend of group training that includes 'field work' can easily set a guy back a couple of thousand dollars.

These pickup schools are a fascinating phenomenon from many different perspectives. However, are they sexist?

I don't think they are and here's why.

I think the word 'pickup' has negative connotations for many women because they frequently associate "deception", "manipulation' and "casual sex" with the word.

However, I don't think these associations are accurate.

Being able to walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation, and make it seem like the most natural thing in the world, is a highly desirable social talent and skill. 

Some guys WILL use this kind of training to lie or 'embellish the truth' - even more persuasively than they already do! 

Like any other skill, it can be used for good or 'evil'. We're talking about humans here - what else would you expect? LOL

It's not the skill that is good or bad but the way that it is used.

The bottom line is that most of these schools aren't teaching guys how to be deceptive or to 'get women into bed'. I believe that the majority of men who go to these classes are pretty decent guys, who are looking for long term relationships, and who would simply like to feel LESS SHY when they are around women in different kinds of social situations.

The essence of the 'curriculum' is to give guys the confidence to go up to a woman whom they don't know - but would like to - and strike up a conversation. I don't see anything sexist or ignoble about that goal.

Different gurus teach different 'strategies'. Some teach opening lines that are meant to intrigue while others might use humor.

The goal in most cases is not to be as clever with as many women as you can be but to get a particular woman, whom you are interested in, engaged in a real conversation.

If you can accomplish THAT, most schools would say that you've been successful. What is sleazy about having a goal of engaging another human being in a real conversation?

I don't see a 'pickup school' as any different than taking a class on how to become a more effective public speaker. In both cases, you are talking about learning certain SPECIALIZED communication skills and strategies designed to help you communicate more effectively with a specific audience.

Specialized communications skills don't come naturally to most of us.

Personally, public speaking TERRIFIES me. I would have huge, psychological problems giving a public speech - even if I was highly qualified to speak about a given subject.

So, if I absolutely had to … the first thing that I would do would be to look for help. And that help would undoubtedly be in the form of tips, tricks and strategies for me to be a more effective public speaker - whether they came from a book or a public speaking coach.

Some of these tips and tricks would undoubtedly have to do with: 'building my confidence up', advice on how to begin my speech, as well as how to 'win over' my audience.

If you think about it, those are the EXACT same issues facing a man who wants to approach a woman whom he doesn't know.

I don't think the word "pickup" is a very good word for the activity that it describes but we're stuck with it. For better or worse, that is the shorthand that people use to describe a certain type of interaction between a man and a woman.

In reality, it is just one of many specialized communication skills that we all engage in. It is considered 'smart' to improve your communication skills in other areas - why not this one too?

Posted by Gregg.