"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". This old idiom holds a lot of truth. For most couples, breaking up occurred for reasons that could not be fixed.

Perhaps you were simply incompatible. Maybe one partner lied or cheated or stole. Whatever the reasons, getting back together is probably not going to work. You cannot and should not change your basic personality, and if the personalities did not mesh before they are unlikely to mesh now.

However, like everything else in life, there are exceptions. If one or both of you were particularly young when you last dated, the increase in life experience might bring you to a point of being ready to try again. Sometimes people break up for reasons of immaturity and in this case, becoming more mature might be all that was needed.

If you broke up because of one partner’s alcohol or drug abuse, proceed very cautiously when getting back together. If the person is far enough along in recovery to be ready to date again, your relationship could work. Be careful to watch for signs of relapse however. This situation should ideally be undertaken only with the support of a counselor or peer counselor.

If you broke up due to circumstances and those circumstances have now changed, getting back together might make sense. For instance, if you broke up due to physical distance but now live in the same city, you could try getting back together. Just be aware that if broken trust was involved before, such as infidelity, those issues will continue to linger.

In some cases getting back together with an ex can work. It depends on the circumstances under which you split and both partners’ maturity and dedication to making the relationship work. Be cautious and move slowly, allowing trust to rebuild at its own pace.

Posted by Lisa.