In today’s world it is quite common to have a mixed-gender set of close friends. Many people count a member of the opposite sex as their best friend, and even exes often remain good friends. This is normal and healthy in today’s society of equality and common interests. However, issues can arise in a relationship when one partner becomes jealous of the other’s opposite sex friends.

Often jealousy will arise suddenly and without warning. Perhaps your partner is completely comfortable with all of your opposite gender friends, then suddenly bristles when introduced to your ex. Or maybe you are the one feeling jealous when your partner starts to mention a good-looking co-worker. Whatever the exact circumstances are, jealousy can become a real problem in a relationship if not dealt with swiftly and openly.

If you are the jealous party, take time out to examine your feelings before discussing them with your partner. Are you truly jealous of a specific person, or are you jealous of the bond that your partner shares with that person? If the real issue is the bond, perhaps you are feeling unappreciated or distanced from your partner. Try to pinpoint the actual feeling that you have.

If it is jealousy of a specific person, why? Does your partner treat that person in a different way than he or she treats you? Has your partner given you any indications that an inappropriate relationship might exist with that person? Is he or she being secretive about dealings with that person?

Once you have narrowed down your feelings and pinpointed exactly what makes you feel uncomfortable, it is time to approach your partner. Be careful not to make accusations, but use “I Feel” statements instead. It is your job to communicate to your partner exactly what you are feeling and why.

If you are the person whose partner is jealous, try not to get involved in personal attacks or control battles. Listen carefully to your partner’s statements and ask questions about his or her specific feelings. Try to analyze your relationship with the person in question to see if you can understand why your partner feels the way that he or she does. Offer solutions and compromises once you understand your partner’s concerns.

Compromise is the key word in solving issues of jealousy. It is certainly reasonable for both members of a relationship to maintain their opposite gender friendships. However, if one partner is uncomfortable with the situation, a compromise must be found that allows both partners to feel secure. If a satisfactory agreement is not reached then the jealousy and associated feelings can ultimately erode the relationship’s foundations. Work together to find solutions rather than fighting about the problem.

Posted by Lisa.