Quality Dating Resources

Interracial Dating: Is it Right for You?

There is little in society that conjures more controversy than interracial dating. "C'mon now," you might think. "In this day and age interracial dating is no big deal." Celebrities, athletes, politicians, and business leaders do it.

Surely the time has passed when the color of one's skin determines who you can go out with. Maybe so, and maybe no. Ask your parents, grandparents, friends and associates how they feel about the subject and the responses you'll incur will be as diverse as today's dating pool.

Reasons and Excuses

Some chose to date outside their own race based on sound reasoning, and others can only defend their choice with excuses. Regardless of whether you enter an interracial relationship for a reason or an excuse, it is guaranteed that you will have to defend your choice, probably sooner rather than later.

Excuses

• I am desperate. I can't find a decent date in my own race.
  
  
• I am rebellious. Dating outside my race will infuriate the people
  
  
• I am angry with right now.
  
  
• I am indiscriminate. I will date anything.
  
  
• I am curious. I want to know if all those stereotypes I heard about another race are true.
  
  
• I feel sorry for people of other races or guilty because of the history of their people and I want to help them.

Reasons

I select my dates based on their character, not their color.

• I am attracted to members of another race and experience chemistry with them.
  
  
• When I am with members of another race I find it an expansive experience that helps me grow as a person when I look at life through their eyes.
  
  
• I feel a kinship with members of other races and can easily relate to their culture.
  
  
• I have lots of fun when I am with people of other cultures and races and truly enjoy their company.

You might have noticed that most excuses are based on negative feelings or intentions, and most reasons for dating interracially are anchored in positive yearnings. isn't this the primary reason for dating anyone, to find happiness and a greater sense of fulfillment in life? In that respect interracial dating is no different than dating within one's own race.

There are, however, some significant differences in the situations you will encounter as a couple when you publicize your relationship. These situations seldom occur for same race couples.

How is Interracial Dating Different than Same Race Dating?

If you are currently entering the world of interracial dating you will immediately notice that your friends, family and total strangers will react differently than they have in the past when you dated a member of your own race. Here are a few of the reactions you might expect.

• An over-emphasis on caution--Those who care about you will suggest, even insist, that you proceed slowly and that you closely examine why your date might be interested in someone like you. Is it due to your economic or employment status? Are you going to serve as someone's trophy? Is your date "slumming it" to be with you?
  
  
• Limitless curiosity--People who would never ask about the intimate details of your past relationships will make coy queries about the quality or quantity of your love life. The sexual stereotypes associated with interracial dating are too intriguing for others to ignore.
  
  
• Some will attempt to mask their racism--People who used to express negative racial views, or tell racial jokes in front of you will abruptly stop doing so. Some conversations will come to a sudden halt when you enter the room.
  
  
• Others will give racist advice--On occasion a caring friend or relative may sit you down and sincerely explain why races shouldn't mix. Their reasons might be Biblical, historical, or hysterical, but they will believe that they are giving you relevant information that will protect you from disaster.
  
  
• Unsolicited reassurance--People will go out of their way to tell you that they are just fine with the two of you as a couple, even though you never thought to ask for their blessing. Some will be overly gracious in an attempt to demonstrate that they are totally colorblind.
  
  
• Strangers will behave strangely--Even though interracial couples are more common than ever before, you will still incur stares, disapproving comments, poor customer service, and rude treatment at the hands of the general public. This doesn't happen as often, or with the intensity that it did in earlier times, but it still happens.

Expect a Few "Cultural Collisions" within the Relationship

In same race relationships after the first blush of romance has passed the couple begins to reveal their "real selves" to one another, and start to inform one another what it will take for the other person to get along with them. This step in the relationship development process may be delayed a bit for an interracial couple. Defending the relationship to friends and family will create a "you and me against the world" mentality where minor disagreements between partners will be overlooked in favor of providing a united front against their critics. When negotiations begin, however, they may be a little trickier than those faced by same race couples.

When those of different races get together, they eventually get around to noticing cultural differences that run much deeper than skin color. Geert Hofstedt, in his book Culture's Consequences (2nd edition 2001) states that, "Culture is to man as water is to fish. The fish never knows it lives in water until it is caught up in the fisherman's net." The interracial couple will begin to notice differences in their individual cultural norms as the relationship progresses. When the differences they notice are deeply rooted in their beliefs, ways of thinking and behaving, traditions, and values, "cultural collisions" may occur. People have a tendency to think that the way they have been taught to react to the world is "right," and may even go so far as to believe that people who respond differently are "wrong."

From what to eat, to how to dress, to how to raise your offspring, significant differences in sense and sensibilities might arise between the two of you. Use of time, how to manage money, what to buy, and how to celebrate holidays are but a few of the challenges that may cause your worlds to collide. Couples who are most successful at reconciling these differences are open to learning new ways of thinking, and expanding their paradigms of the possible. Life becomes much richer, and more interesting, inspiring, stimulating, and exciting when both partners become invested in adding new perspectives to established life protocols.

In the final analysis, interracial dating is right for you if you are willing to enrich your life with new people, new ideas, and new experiences. It is right for you if you are an independent thinker who can make your own choices despite what others you respect might think or say. Interracial dating is right for you if you believe that love doesn't have a color or a culture, and that it can bloom anywhere and anytime that the right two people connect.

We can see your wheels turning from here. You are getting excited about dating interracially, aren't you? Perhaps the only thing that stands in the way of you launching some trial balloons into the realm of interracial dating is your uncertainty as to where to find the people of another race who are also interested in dating interracially.

Finding an Interracial Date Online

You You may be hesitant to risk reaching out to a potential soul mate only to find out that the person who interests you is strictly against interracial dating. Dispel this fear by exploring the option of interracial dating online. The websites featured here are great places for like minded people to meet. Obviously, anyone who posts on an interracial dating site is interested in dating outside their own race. Permit us to introduce you to some of the classiest and comprehensive interracial dating sites on the web.

Black and White Singles is a user-friendly site that allows you to preview pictures and profiles before you pay for a membership. With a substantial database of users, you will find an impressive array of potential dates to choose from. You have the option of joining for free, and posting a picture and profile, then wait passively for someone to email you, or you can buy a VIP membership which allows you to contact those that you would like to meet. A VIP membership includes unlimited emails to other members, video conferencing and instant video messages using your webcam, a free personality profile, and trip connect (tells you when other members are visiting the same location you are at the same time). Fees are reasonable ranging from $48 for a year's membership to a monthly rate of $20 if you would rather take things one step at a time. Trust us when we tell you that there are some beautiful people listed on this site.

Interracial Romance is a bit frustrating at first because when you enter your search data on the homepage it doesn't take you to the type of profiles you are requesting, but when you enter more specific search criteria on the page that comes up it does finally take you where you want to go. The site boasts "fresh, new profiles" and has a unique and helpful feature that tells you when the person pictured was last online. The site touts that membership is free, but if you read the User Member Terms and Conditions it turns out that "free membership" really means "free trial period." You have to sign up before you will be privy to fees and benefits extended to "premium" members. A free membership does appear to allow you to send flirts and emails to select people but you must buy the premium subscription before you get to contact the majority of the members.

Interracial Dating Central is another site where you have to complete the free sign up and create a profile before you can access the information about the cost of a premium membership, although there is a brief reference to the fact that the paid membership costs less than a dollar a day. The site is aesthetically pleasing to the eye, and the success stories are heartwarming, as is their slogan, "Where it is OK to color outside the lines..." Free sign-up is quick and easy, create your member account and profile, then get busy anonymously contacting the people you want to meet. Unlike other interracial sites that feature predominately Caucasian and African-American members, this site features ethnicity as well and suggests you might be able to find Asian, Indian, and Latino dates among their membership. People from all over the world can be found here. Flirt, chat, IM, or email to contact your potential soul mate.